Saturday, January 9, 2010

somewhere between here and there.


so i'm looking for the next big theme. what do i want to explore with my work and where will that exploration lead me? social practice is not necessarily getting me excited, but i am piqued by this notion of taxonomies. hmmmmm, we'll see.
anyhow i'm hoping that this work will lead me to a place that is somewhere between here and there, but definitely not just here. will have to look for this past year's learning, post sifting through the large amount of bs.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

Thursday, December 31, 2009

thanks and goodbye to 2009.










2009 thanks for
my nephew
my triumvirate of consultants
my team
my calm in the face of daily dilemmas
my class at columbia

2010 bring me
peace
satisfaction
easy, supportive, engaging love
movement towards the next job
more outdoors
lots of yoga for my back

Sunday, December 13, 2009

high standards low expectations


so what am i hanging onto and why? i mean what information do i have that tells me this could ever possibly happen. haven't i felt like this before? is it the same? and where is this jealousy piece coming from? admittedly i could be happier with my current life circumstances, but i really don't want anyone else's life. i do, however, want some greater purpose and happiness, cause this is all some bullshit.
anyhow, what would my research questions be if i actually venture on this doomed excursion:
  • can this man be open, loving, and supportive to me in the ways that i want, need, and best respond to?
  • am i running after some fleeting, or rather fleeted, romance...or am i simply re-activating it?
  • am I just grasping at the most recent love of my life and simply tired and scared of the wait for the next one?
  • has this man grown over the past few months and is he capable of being open to any of this?
  • am i an idiot?

Thursday, November 26, 2009

international travel. pug. tent. condo.


How could I be living my life more fully at present?

Monday, November 16, 2009

Sunday, November 1, 2009

where to.

as i've learned so much over the past five years in my various roles, i am curious about all the skills that i have built up and how i can/will apply them in the future. how much more do i need to learn about understanding and using data? how much do i need to organize my current work into a package that is attractive to my possible next employer/job? will i stay here and head up some arts initiative? will i head to the southwest to heal, rest, and recover myself? how do i think about my family? how close do i need to be and when do i need to be closer? how much money do i need to make? how do i get rid of this debt? will that equal freedom? can i look at my current circumstances as now and not always?
then in terms of love life, i see that i am ohso ready and/or in need of the valuable relationship that i can pour myself into. i don't give much of a damn about all the rest of this bs, without that. i mean really, i'm making amazing choices here, but i'm also dying.
next blog: gotta make the list of lessons learned/skills aquired and then another list about the qualities of a job that i am interested in, for example problem-solving and program design without direct ownership, but strong influence, being part of a team, leading, sharing accountability, human-ness, jeans and sneakers...what else?